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JUDGES

The Grifter's Guide to the Universe

The book of Judges covers the period between Joshua's conquest and the rise of the monarchy. It runs on a cycle: Israel sins, God punishes them by delivering them to an enemy, Israel cries out, God raises a judge to deliver them, the judge dies, Israel sins again.

The cycle repeats. And with every turn, the violence escalates.

The book ends with a single line that appears four times:

"In those days there was no king in Israel: every man did that which was right in his own eyes."

What follows is what "right in their own eyes" looked like.


The commandment: Thou shalt not kill.

Chapter 1, Verses 6–7 — The conquest continues where Joshua left off. The Israelites capture Adoni-bezek, a Canaanite king.

"And they caught Adoni-bezek, and cut off his thumbs and his great toes."

They captured the king and cut off his thumbs and big toes.

They mutilated him. Cut off his thumbs and big toes — a practice that makes a man unable to grip a weapon or stand in battle. A living trophy. Adoni-bezek himself said he had done the same to seventy kings.

The cycle of violence didn't start with Israel. But Israel continued it — under God's banner.


The commandment: Thou shalt not kill.

Chapter 3, Verses 21–22 — Ehud, a left-handed judge, assassinates Eglon, the king of Moab.

"And Ehud put forth his left hand, and took the dagger from his right thigh, and thrust it into his belly: And the haft also went in after the blade; and the fat closed upon the blade, so that he could not draw the dagger out of his belly; and the dirt came out."

Ehud pulled a hidden dagger from his right thigh and drove it into the king's stomach. The blade went in so deep that the handle disappeared inside the fat. He couldn't pull it back out. The king's bowels released.

Ehud locked the doors and walked out.

Verse 29 — Afterward, the Israelites killed about 10,000 Moabites. "And there escaped not a man."


The commandment: Thou shalt not kill.

Chapter 4, Verses 17–21 — Sisera, an enemy commander, flees a lost battle and takes refuge in the tent of Jael. She invites him in, gives him milk, covers him with a blanket. He falls asleep trusting her hospitality.

"Then Jael Heber's wife took a nail of the tent, and took an hammer in her hand, and went softly unto him, and smote the nail into his temples, and fastened it into the ground: for he was fast asleep and weary. So he died."

While he slept, Jael took a tent peg and a hammer, crept up to him, and drove the peg through his skull and into the ground. He never woke up.

Chapter 5, Verse 24 — The song of Deborah celebrates Jael afterward:

"Blessed above women shall Jael the wife of Heber the Kenite be, blessed shall she be above women in the tent."

Jael was praised as the most blessed woman alive for what she did.

Blessed above women. For killing a man who trusted her.


The commandment: Thou shalt not kill.

Chapter 8, Verse 17 — Gideon, one of the great judges, punishes the men of Penuel for refusing him bread during his pursuit of the Midianite kings.

"And he beat down the tower of Penuel, and slew the men of the city."

Gideon tore down their tower and killed the men of the city.

He killed the men of an Israelite city. Not an enemy nation. His own people. For not feeding him during a chase.

Verse 16 — He also took the elders of Succoth and tore their flesh with thorns and briers for the same refusal.

A judge of Israel tortured and killed his own people for not offering food.


The commandments: Thou shalt not kill. Honor thy father and mother.

Chapter 9, Verses 1–5 — Abimelech, Gideon's son, wants to be king. His solution:

"And he went unto his father's house at Ophrah, and slew his brethren the sons of Jerubbaal, being threescore and ten persons, upon one stone."

He went to his father's house and murdered seventy of his own brothers on a single stone to eliminate every rival.

Verse 23:

"Then God sent an evil spirit between Abimelech and the men of Shechem."

God's response was to send an evil spirit to turn Abimelech and his allies against each other.

God's response to the fratricide was not immediate justice. It was an evil spirit — sent by God — to sow discord between Abimelech and his allies.

The same pattern. An evil spirit from the Lord. Same as Saul in 1 Samuel.


The commandments: Thou shalt not kill. Thou shalt have no other gods before me.

Chapter 11, Verses 30–31 — Jephthah, a judge of Israel, makes a vow to God before going into battle against the Ammonites:

"And Jephthah vowed a vow unto the LORD, and said, If thou shalt without fail deliver the children of Ammon into mine hands, Then it shall be, that whatsoever cometh forth of the doors of my house to meet me, when I return in peace from the children of Ammon, shall surely be the LORD'S, and I will offer it up for a burnt offering."

Jephthah made a deal with God: If you give me victory, whatever comes out the door of my house first when I get home — I will sacrifice it to you as a burnt offering.

Verses 34–35 — He wins the battle. He comes home. And the first person out the door is his daughter — his only child — dancing with tambourines to celebrate her father's return.

"And it came to pass, when he saw her, that he rent his clothes, and said, Alas, my daughter! thou hast brought me very low, and thou art one of them that trouble me: for I have opened my mouth unto the LORD, and I cannot go back."

When he saw her, he tore his clothes and said: My daughter — you have destroyed me. I made a promise to God and I cannot take it back.

He tore his clothes. Not because he was going to spare her. Because he couldn't take the vow back.

Verse 39:

"And it came to pass at the end of two months, that she returned unto her father, who did with her according to his vow which he had vowed."

After two months, she came back. And her father did to her what he had promised God he would do.

His daughter asked for two months to mourn the life she would never have — she would never marry, never have children. Then she came back to her father. And he did what he promised God he would do.

"Thou shalt not kill."

A father sacrificed his only daughter to fulfill a bargain with the God who said "thou shalt not kill."

And God did not intervene. No angel stopped the hand. No ram appeared in the thicket. Silence.


The commandments: Thou shalt not kill. Thou shalt not commit adultery. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife.

Chapter 19 — A Levite and his concubine are traveling. They stop in Gibeah, a city of the tribe of Benjamin. An old man takes them in for the night.

Verse 22 — Men of the city surround the house and demand that the host send out the Levite so they can rape him.

Verse 24 — The host offers his own virgin daughter and the Levite's concubine instead: "Humble ye them, and do with them what seemeth good unto you: but unto this man do not so vile a thing."

The host offered two women to a mob of rapists to protect a male guest.

Verse 25:

"But the men would not hearken to him: so the man took his concubine, and brought her forth unto them; and they knew her, and abused her all the night until the morning: and when the day began to spring, they let her go."

The mob refused the offer. So the Levite grabbed his concubine and shoved her outside to them. They raped her all night long. At dawn, they let her go.

She crawled back to the house and collapsed at the threshold with her hands reaching for the door.

Verses 27–28 — In the morning, the Levite opened the door, stepped over her, and said: "Get up, and let us be going." She didn't answer.

Verse 29:

"And when he was come into his house, he took a knife, and laid hold on his concubine, and divided her, together with her bones, into twelve pieces, and sent her into all the coasts of Israel."

When he got home, he took a knife and cut her body into twelve pieces — through the bone — and sent one piece to each tribe of Israel.

Her husband pushed her out to the mob. They raped her to death. He stepped over her body in the morning. Then he dismembered her and distributed the parts.

She is never given a name.


The commandments: Thou shalt not kill. Thou shalt not steal. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife.

Chapters 20–21 — The twelve pieces spark a civil war. Israel attacks the tribe of Benjamin for what happened at Gibeah. The Israelites consult God before the battle.

Chapter 20, Verse 18 — They ask God who should go first. God answers: "Judah shall go up first." Israel loses 22,000 men that day.

Verse 23 — They ask God again. God says: "Go up against him." Israel loses 18,000 more.

Verse 28 — They ask a third time. God says: "Go up; for to morrow I will deliver them into thine hand." This time, Israel wins and kills 25,000 Benjamites.

God sent them into battle twice, knowing they would lose. 40,000 Israelites died following God's instruction before God allowed them to win.

Verse 48 — After the victory, the Israelites destroyed every Benjamite city. Men, women, children, livestock. Everything.

Only 600 Benjamite men survived — hiding in the wilderness.


The commandments: Thou shalt not steal. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife. Thou shalt not kill.

Chapter 21 — Now Israel has a problem. They had vowed not to give their daughters as wives to any Benjamite. But the tribe of Benjamin needs women or it will cease to exist.

Verses 10–12 — They find a solution. The town of Jabesh-gilead hadn't joined the war. So the Israelites send 12,000 soldiers to destroy the town — killing every man and every woman who was not a virgin. They find 400 virgin girls and bring them to the surviving Benjamite men.

They slaughtered a town of their own people to harvest virgins for another tribe.

But 400 wasn't enough. There were 600 Benjamite men.

Verses 20–21 — The elders tell the remaining 200 Benjamites to go to a festival at Shiloh and hide in the vineyards. When the young women of Shiloh come out to dance, the men are to seize them and carry them off as wives.

"And see, and, behold, if the daughters of Shiloh come out to dance in dances, then come ye out of the vineyards, and catch you every man his wife of the daughters of Shiloh."

The elders said: Hide in the vineyards. When the young women come out to dance, rush out and each of you grab one and take her as your wife.

The elders of Israel instructed men to ambush girls at a festival, grab them, and take them as wives. The girls were not asked. Their fathers were not consulted. This was the official solution — organized by the leadership of Israel.

The book that began with the concubine being pushed out to a mob ends with 600 women seized by men hiding in vineyards.


A man sacrificed his daughter to keep a bargain with God.
God said nothing.

A woman was pushed out to a mob by her own husband,
raped to death, dismembered into twelve pieces,
and mailed across a nation.
She was never given a name.

40,000 Israelites died following God's instruction
before God allowed them to win.

A town was destroyed to harvest 400 virgins.
200 more women were seized at a festival
on the orders of Israel's elders.

"In those days there was no king in Israel:
every man did that which was right in his own eyes."

That's the closing line. The text presents these events as the result of having no king — as if a monarchy would fix it. As if the problem were the absence of authority rather than the nature of the authority.

But the reader has already seen what kings do.

They've read what King James did to the Bible. What King Josiah did with Deuteronomy. What King David did to Uriah. What King Saul was punished for — not killing enough.

The book of Judges says the problem was no king.

Every other book in this door says the king was the problem.

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The next page is the last in this door.
It returns to the one instruction
that would have prevented all of it.

THE EMPTY CUP
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Som Mulehole · brokenmirrortheory.com